De sju dödssynderna, enligt P.J. O’Rourke

Den en gång så fyndige krönikören P.J. O’Rourke är numera oftast reducerad till att tävla med Tom Wolfe om vem som är mest over-the-hill. Men här har han faktiskt några roliga synpunkter på den katolska kyrkans förslag att ersätta de sju dödssynderna. Han har kommit med sju egna förslag, bland annat:

”1.  Celebrity. This is far and away the besetting sin of the 21st century. Note that the root of the word is ”celebrate.” What evil, pentagram-enclosed, goat-heinie-kissing ceremony are we celebrating with Kevin Federline?

3.  Youth. Talk about worshiping false gods; why would anyone pray–or pay!–for youthfulness? The young are spotty, sweaty, chowder-headed, and woefully lacking in wisdom, experience, or control over anything, especially themselves. Yet we bear witness to the eternally babyish baby boom. Men in their sixties are on Harleys and snowboards and basketball courts, from which they will proceed to damnation by way of the emergency room. The women go to and fro in the earth, mutton dressed as lamb, with liposuction well-applied to tummy, butt, and brain. And they all come to Mass, when at all, in shorts, T-shirts, and shower flip-flops.

4.  Authenticity. Please do your best to be someone better than who you truly are. Deep down inside we’re ravening beasts. This is the meaning of original sin. Everyone’s authentic self is horrid. God’s message to man has always been, ”You can’t really be good, but you can fake it. Really.”